How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
Dora walked into the kitchen to find Murphy stalking around with a fly swatter.
Dora walked into the kitchen to find Murphy stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, Dora asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
Intrigued, Dora asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on my beer can, 2 were on your phone."
4 comments:
Hello Friends!
What do you get if you cross a fish with two elephants?
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Swimming trunks!
(Sorry, but what do you expect from cheap Christmas Crackers?)
Luv Murphy xx and Dora xx
p.s. Does anyone know any funnier jokes?
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on! You're a duck.'
'I see your eyes are working,' replies the duck.
'And you can talk!' exclaims the barman.
'I see your ears are working, too,' says the duck. 'Now if you don't mind,
can I have my beer and my sandwich please?'
'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman as he pulls the duck's
pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing
round this way?'
'I'm working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck.
'I'm a plasterer.'
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more,
but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and
proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the
barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him
'You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be
just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches,
reads the newspaper and everything!'
'Sounds marvellous,' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.
'Get him to give me a call.'
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, 'Hey Mr.
Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.'
'I'm always looking for the next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'
'At the circus,' says the barman.
'The circus?' repeats the duck.
'That's right,' replies the barman.
'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place with the big tent?'
'Yeah,' the barman replies.
'With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in
caravans?' says the duck.
'Of course,' the barman replies.
'And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the
middle?' persists the duck.
'That's right!' says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says.. . .
'What on earth would they want with a plasterer?'
(Sorry, I had to clean up the last line!)
Hi Maureen,
That was very funny. I hadn't heard that joke before, although I've heard jokes on a similar theme.
It feels like we're sitting on a ticking time bomb doesn't it? All waiting for something to happen?
We need to keep ourselves amused. Does anyone else know any good jokes?
What about these?
What do you get if you cross:
1. A skunk and an owl?
A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot!
2. A cow and a camel?
Lumpy milkshakes!
3. A sheep-dog and a bunch of daisies?
Collie-flowers!
4. A parrot and an alligator
Something that bites your head off and says, 'Who's a pretty boy!'
5. A parrot and an elephant?
Something that tells everything it remembers!
6. An elephant and peanut butter?
Either peanut butter that never forgets, or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth!
More to come...............
Hi Folks!
I've just received this joke in my email box:
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
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