Showing posts with label Taken from a forwarded email. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Taken from a forwarded email. Show all posts

Sunday 15 May 2011

Questions/Answers in American GEN exams (Sorry Inga!)

The following questions were asked in last year's GED examination.
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds')............and they WILL breed.



Q. Name the four seasons.

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar


Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.


Q. How is dew formed?

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.


Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.


Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.


Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.


Q. What are steroids
?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?

A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
(At least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
.
A. Premature death.


Q. What is artificial insemination

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow


Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?

A. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant.)

Q How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)


A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..(WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?

A. A small lie.
(This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?

A. Nearby.


Q. What is the most common form of birth control?

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean section'.

A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome .


Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!)

Q. What is a terminal illness
?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.


Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
(OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head


These people vote -- They are the future generation -- & they will breed. America Is Dead!!!

Tuesday 29 June 2010

For Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)..

Lexophiles

1. A bicycle can't stand alone;
it is two tired.
.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
.
3. Time flies like an arrow;
fruit flies like a banana.
.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
.
5. A chicken crossing the road:
poultry in motion.
.
6. When a clock is hungry it goes back
four seconds.
.
7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery
machine was fully recovered.
.
8. You are stuck with your debt
if you can't budge it.
.
9. He broke into song because he
couldn't find the key.
.
10. A calendar's days are numbered.
.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.
12. He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.
.
13. The short fortune-teller who escaped
from prison: a small medium at large.
.
14. Those who get too big for their
britches will be exposed in the end.
.
15. When you've seen one shopping
centre you've seen a mall.
.
16. If you jump off a Paris bridge,
you are in Seine.
.
17. When she saw her first strands of grey
hair, she thought she'd dye.
.
18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
.
19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
.
20. Marathon runners with bad shoes
suffer the agony of de feet.
.
21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's
round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
.
22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan
island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
.
23. She was only a whisky maker,
but he loved her still.
.
24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from
algebra class because it was a weapon
of math disruption.
.
25. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
.
26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the
road and was cited for littering.
.
27. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
.
28. A hole has been found in the nudist
camp wall. The police are looking into it.
.
29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
.
30. I wondered why the baseball
kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
.
31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab
centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
.
32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse
said, 'No change yet.'