The following have all appeared in church magazines so let us thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
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Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
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Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation .
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'
Tuesday 30 June 2009
Thursday 18 June 2009
Thomas Cook Complaints!
Thomas Cook Holiday complaints
"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store doesnot sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I oftenneeded to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost everyrestaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bringour swimming costumes and towels."
A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted avisibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beastruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked inby staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on theback of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
"The beach was too sandy."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochureshows the sand as yellow but it was white."
A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick andstrong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined asmy husband spent all day looking at other women."
"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader,only to find out they were fake."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took theAmericans three hours to get home."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends'three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're traineehairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"
"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. Thefood is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guestsbefore we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in adouble-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I findmyself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the roomthat we booked
"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store doesnot sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I oftenneeded to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost everyrestaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bringour swimming costumes and towels."
A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted avisibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beastruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked inby staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on theback of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
"The beach was too sandy."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochureshows the sand as yellow but it was white."
A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick andstrong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined asmy husband spent all day looking at other women."
"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader,only to find out they were fake."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took theAmericans three hours to get home."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends'three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're traineehairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"
"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. Thefood is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guestsbefore we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in adouble-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I findmyself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the roomthat we booked
Sunday 7 June 2009
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